Well it's hard to believe, but October has arrived and summer is officially gone. I for one welcome the coolin' autumn rains for I am a true north westerner, but I cannot lie, there are a few grey November days where I long for the gentle caress of a warm sun. Fall does have its perks however, and one of them is the baseball playoffs. Now I know the popular opinion is that nobody under the age of 45 cares about baseball, and while I may be WELL over the age of 45, and perhaps a bit biased, I do wish to see baseball live on in lives of the younger generation. So with that in mind, I offer my 3B's for improving Baseball's appeal.
BaseBAT: Now imagine, instead of runnin' around the bases carryin' nothin' in their hands, batters could instead bring their bats with 'em to ward off infield tags. Who wouldn't watch a version of baseball that involves wooden clubs and 20% more danger? Nobody, that's who.
Buckskins: I'm sure you've all seen the floppy, baggy messes of uniforms baseball players have been wearing since the dawn of time itself. Now instead, imagine a team takin' the field in glorious tan buckskins glowin' in the summer sun. Now that's an all-American image if ever I've seen one.
Beef Jerky: Baseball players are often castigated for their use of smokeless tobacco products in the dugout and that's somethin' that this Old Trapper stands firmly against. It's well known, the only kind of smokin' I'm involved in is with my meat. So instead we outfit every MLB dugout with crate after crate of delicious, low-fat, Old Trapper beef jerky. A few dozen 10oz bags would give any ballplayer the energy to play through any double-header and provide a positive example to all those Junior Trappers, I mean, future All Stars in the stands.
If enacted, these common sense measures will undoubtedly lead to a baseball renaissance in this country and I provide them free-of-charge. I would consider an appointment as commissioner, if offered. Just sayin...