Friends, I know how challenging it can be to keep your pantry, cupboards, glove boxes, and pants pockets constantly filled with delicious beef jerky. First off, it requires near-constant trips to the store, because beef jerky goes fast. Second, upon arrival at said store, one must remember to stock up on delicious beef jerky and not become distracted by other items like large cups of carbonated sugar water or novelty baseball hats. This alone is nearly impossible. Thirdly, you must purchase enough beef jerky to avoid completely devouring your purchases immediately after leaving the store. If only there was a solution that regularly delivered adequate amounts of beef jerky directly to your door. You know, like some kind of beef jerky subscription service.
The Old Trapper Beef Jerky Subscription
Well, do I have some good news for you! I developed a monthly beef jerky subscription so that snackers across America would always have access to delicious smoked meat. No more trips to the store, no more bubbly distractions, no eating your one bag of jerky on the drive home. Just a never-ending supply of your Old Trapper favorites delivered right to your doorstep. Here’s how it works:
- Point your internet browser to my beef jerky subscription builder page.
- Select your product.
- Choose a delivery frequency of 15, 30, 60, or 90 days.
- Click the “Add to Cart” button.
- Repeat until you’ve built the perfect beef jerky subscription box.
- Complete your purchase. Congratulations! You’re now an Old Trapper Beef Jerky Subscription customer.
The most exciting part of my beef jerky subscription box is its customization options. Say you eat my Old-Fashioned Beef Jerky much faster than you eat a box of my Pepperoni sticks. You could build two different subscriptions that deliver my 10oz beef jerky bags every 30 days and my pepperoni sticks every 60 days.
Maybe your kids devour my Kippered Beef Steak as a hearty midday snack, but you’re more of a casual beef jerky snacker. You can set up a subscription that delivers a fresh supply of kippered beef every two weeks, while you get your Teriyaki Beef Jerky every month. Everybody’s happy, and nobody’s hungry.
With Monthly Beef Jerky, the Possibilities are Endless
I fully expect my beef jerky subscription will help aid the next great leap in human progress as Americans across the country ditch the drudgery of snack shopping for more productive pursuits. Maybe now you’ll have the extra time available to finally get that side-hustle off the ground or write the next great American novel. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll choose to pursue a career in politics and dedicate yourself to bettering the lives of all Americans. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
Of course, I could be overestimating the effect my beef jerky subscription will have on society. I can’t help it. I’m an optimist at heart. At the very least, my subscription customers will always have plenty of snacks on hand when they need them. That’s a contribution I can certainly be proud of.