I've made no secret of my love for football. Ever since my last game in '64 when I walloped that young whippersnapper Y.A. Tittle
and realized I had nothin' left to accomplish, I've fondly watched others play the game, albeit inferiorly. In past missives, I've shared with you my revolutionary system for dominatin' any fantasy football league
, and told a story from my own glory years revolutionizin' the sport
. Now I will use my supernatural football powers to predict the winners of each of this weekend's playoff games. Note: I personally believe one should gamble only upon oneself, but I'm no scold, so do with this information what you will.
Saturday, Game No. 1: Kansas City @ New England
Now that Tom Brady is one handsome feller, who's so used to winnin' in life I bet he's never so much as lost a set of car keys. That means somethin' to this Old Trapper. As for KC, I don't even know if they're from Kansas or Missouri. New England +47.5
Saturday, Game No. 2: Green Bay @ Arizona
I predict this will be a game of extremes. On one side you have the boys from the frozen wastelands of Wisconsin and on the other, a team from a city named for a bird that burns to ashes
over and over again. It's a well-known fact the fire melts ice and that seems like a decent line of reasonin' to predict the outcome of this game. Arizona +10
Sunday, Game No. 1: Seattle @ Carolina
Sunday, Game No. 2: Pittsburgh @ Denver
By all accounts, both startin' QB's in this matchup are so beat up, they outta be playin' Cribbage on a sunny porch whilst sippin' tall glasses of sweet tea, rather than suitin' up for a professional football match. But they're both warriors and all that... so look for lots of passes that end up in the dirt or the stands or off the back of their lineman's helmets. That bein' said, I once spent 40 years traversin' the mighty Rockies and did come to love that blue sky ever so much. Denver +1.5
Football Football Football
Some of you have asked why I don't parlay my football expertise into a lucrative career in television. My answer is simply, "somebody's gotta make the snacks
." Enjoy your football weekend.
All My Best,