You’ve made the informed decision to visit my internet web log and read the random musings of an Old Trapper and for that, you are to be commended. Having only recently emerged from the darkest recesses of the northern forests, it’s been my duty these past months to acquaint myself with all things digital, as my responsibilities as brand ambassador require at least a passing understanding of this World Wide Web. I don’t mind telling you, some of the fare I’ve stumbled upon in my virtual travels have left me confounded and horrified. Mostly horrified. But I soldier on, because in the end, it’s the only real course of action.
Why Would I Write?
I don’t speak much as a matter of habit. When you spend most of your time alone, talking to yourself only serves to underscore your own solitude, so it just makes sense to stay mute. But on those lonely nights, when my only companion by the dying firelight is a thousand miles of wilderness in every direction, I have been known to pick up a pencil stub and write my thoughts, some of which have already been distributed. Perhaps you've read a bit of my beef jerky related poetry
? So when I was asked to contribute to this here ‘blog,’ I was agreeable, though it may be my vanity showing through.
Those Durn Felines
I can’t say with any certainty just what you’ll see on this page in the coming days, hopefully whatever it is will interest you in some small way and you’ll continue to visit, but I do know one thing you WON’T see here: RAMPANT FELINE WORSHIP. Nothing, NOTHING, shocked me more than the sheer number of felines I encountered on the web. Felines wearing funny hats. Felines saying funny things. Felines doing nothing more than looking perturbed
. They were everywhere! Never, ever will an accursed feline defile this space.
"I didn’t stop to sleep, I didn’t stop to eat, I didn’t slow down, because if I did, I’d have been 210 pounds of fancy feast for an overweight Tabby."
My apologies… I’ve taken a moment to compose myself and realize I may have come across as unreasonable in my previous paragraph. You see, I’ve been battling felines my entire life. Once, many years ago, a cougar stalked me for three solid months across two states and one unincorporated territory. I didn’t stop to sleep, I didn’t stop to eat, I didn’t slow down, because if I did, I’d have been 210 pounds of fancy feast for an overweight Tabby. Eventually I gave the beast the slip by swimming fourteen miles UP the Snake River then holding my breath underwater and letting the current pull me 20 miles downstream. It was a long day. And then there was this incident, captured on tape: http://youtu.be/09o2qSmL31I So you can see, when I watch these cats worshiped as oracles on 10,000 different Tumblr pages, I grow uneasy.
Well anyhow, I’m sure you’ve all had just about enough of my ramblings today, so I’ll end my diatribe by requesting you kindly return soon and when you do, don’t forget the beef jerky
. Yours, sincerely T.O. Trapper