These Three Things Terrify Old Trapper (Plus Two Extra Beefs)

You could be forgiven for thinking me unflappable. After all, my public persona portrays me as a derring-do hero who faces down every challenge with an unconcerned grin and perhaps a cocked eyebrow. But on occasion, I’ve been known to be flapped. And over the years, I’ve gathered all of the things that really get under my skin into a list of my patented Old Trapper Beefs.

I don’t necessarily mean beefs in the sense of grudges, mind you. I think of them more as lessons learned the hard way, which, in my experience, is usually the right way. And I’m happy to share what I’ve learned with you today.

The First of the Old Trapper Beefs: Impoliteness

Most folks figure this one’s just a pet peeve, unworthy of inclusion on my list of Old Trapper Beefs. But perhaps more than anything, politeness is the bedrock of our entire civil society. Imagine a world where everyone says and does whatever they want without any consideration for others. Chaos and strife would rule! In fact, if our society's politeness levels fall too low, I'll be planning my next extended wilderness excursion.

So yes, impoliteness is one of my more persistent Old Trapper Beefs. Not because it ruffles my feathers, but because when we let the basic niceties of human interaction slip, there’s probably something rotten going on beneath the surface.

Old Trapper Beef #2: Apex Predators

As a notable Man of the Wilderness, you might think I enjoy a rapport with all God's creatures. Not so! And while I usually refrain from ascribing common characteristics to large groups, I make an exception for Apex Predators. When it comes to these born killing machines, I hold a very simple philosophy: admiration at a distance.

Whether it’s a honey badger with an attitude problem, a great white shark cutting through the water, or a golden eagle on the hunt, I take their presence as a polite suggestion to be elsewhere. Immediately. How do you think I've managed to become such an old Old Trapper? Certainly not by picking fights.

Old Trapper Beefs? No Beef At All

Now here’s a more modern entry on the list of Old Trapper Beefs, and one I approach with equal parts curiosity and caution: soy-based meat products. Now listen, I bear no ill will toward them, nor toward the folks who enjoy them. Times change, tastes evolve, and innovation has its place in this world. A product that offers people new options at the table is, in many ways, a fine thing.

But when you’ve spent a lifetime understanding meat snacks in their simplest, most natural forms, something designed to imitate that experience can give a man pause. I find it a bit… uncanny. It’s not fair, more like a respectful hesitation when facing down unfamiliar territory. I’ll tip my hat to the ingenuity of these products, and keep moving along.

Still, this remains one of those Old Trapper Beefs rooted in age and experience. I know what I know, and I trust what I trust. New paths are worth exploring, but I tend to take them one careful step at a time.

The Worst of My Old Trapper Beefs: Bad Jerky

Now this is a beef in every sense of the word, and perhaps the most personal of all my Old Trapper Beefs. There are few disappointments greater than reaching for a piece of beef jerky, expecting something rich, tender, and satisfying, only to find your jaws locked in a battle of wills with something better suited for patching boots.

Jerky, when crafted properly, is a thing of beauty. It’s tender, flavorful, and worth savoring. But when corners are cut, you end up with something that tests not just your jaw strength, but your patience. I’ve encountered jerky so tough and tasteless I thought I had accidentally started chewing on a piece of dried-out tree bark. Experiences like that stay with a man.

So yes, poorly made jerky ranks high among my Old Trapper Beefs. Because when you rely on something as important as beef jerky, it had better rise to the occasion.

Beefing With the Old Trapper Beefs

It may sound strange, but one of my quieter Old Trapper Beefs is the question of whether I’m living up to the name. There’s a certain expectation that comes with it; a standard forged over years of hard miles and harder lessons.

Time has a way of humbling a man. It certainly reminds me that experience is valuable, but not infallible. So I keep an eye on myself and my Old Trapper Beefs, and make sure that I’m not getting set in my ways. I’m an old-fashioned kind of person, but I refuse to get stuck in the past.

Don't Think Less of Me

Now I hope this honest admission won't cause you to respect me any less. It's my firm belief that taking a stand on things is always the right thing to do, as long as you’re keeping an open ear to the opposite opinion.

…Except in the matter of bad jerky. That’s one stance I will stand firm on no matter the changing tide. Making delicious, real wood-smoked meat snacks is not just a game or a business to me. It’s a way of life. My solemn promise is that every time you bite into a piece of my beef jerky, you’re doing so with the knowledge that I have given it my absolute best. I’ll never settle for anything but the tenderest cuts and the subtlest blend of flavors. That’s where I put my foot down.

But in all (or at least most) other things, I’ll hold fast to my Old Trapper beefs until convinced otherwise, because a person without any convictions in life is a person who has yet to discover themselves. Without this list, I might find myself adrift on a sea of indecision and doubt. Sometimes, it’s just nice to have something to beef with.