The Forest Survival Guide

Hello Friend,

I've spent decades wandering the world's most wild places, and in that time I've often found myself in dangerous scrapes and on the short end of long odds. Until now I've managed to come out on top and that's due in no small part to luck and the grace of god almighty. But you can't spend as much time out of doors as I have without taking away a few key learnings for staying safe in the forest.

Bear Necessities

Grizzlies are a fact of life in my neck of the woods (see what I did there...). They can be grumpy, especially come spring time, and when they get grumpy their first instinct is to devour you whole, which is not ideal.

"My best advice for dealing with an unfriendly Ursa is to meet its initial charge with a swift uppercut to the jaw which should stun the beast..."

My best advice for dealing with an unfriendly Ursa is to meet its initial charge with a swift uppercut to the jaw which should stun the beast, then, lift its limp body over your head and hurl it in the direction of its den. Once the bear regains consciousness, it will be impressed by your display of moral courage and show deference to you in all future interactions.

Rattlin' Around

In the western high desert, Rattlesnakes are most active at dusk, which happens to be when The Trapper enjoys his evening stroll. By my count I've been bitten more than seven dozen times. The first bite was unpleasant; I flushed as the poison coursed through my system and for an instant I felt as though I might forfeit my most recent meal, but the feeling passed soon enough and within 10 minutes I was right as rain. Now Rattler bites are no more annoying than a Mosquito's. No doubt you'll find the same to be true.

Cougar Sightings

"Some young gents might tell you bravery means never backing down from a fight and there was a time when I might just have agreed."

I've learned a thing or two about bravery in my many years. Some young gents might tell you bravery means never backing down from a fight and there was a time when I might just have agreed. But as I've grown older and wiser, I find myself deferring to the bard as he said, "discretion is the better part of valor." So friends, when you're faced with the most cunning and deadly creature in the forest, your best bet is to run and hide.

Most Importantly

Perhaps the most important factor for survival in the forest is to be properly outfitted with plenty of lean protein BEFORE you set out. Only the most skilled adventurers can create delicious smoked meat snacks from scratch. The rest of us must place our faith in trusted suppliers.

Thanks for Reading

Once again, I thank you humbly for reading the musings of an Old Trapper. My hope is that these simple tips for forest survival will make your next outing more enjoyable and less deadly. All My Best, The Old Trapper