Across the span of history many believed one's future could be forecast in the stars. Even today people still check their local newspaper or favorite online entertainment site every day searching for insight into what's to come. I've never been one to put much stock in astrology, but I have been blessed with a kind of extra-special perception, and I've found beef jerky preference provides a surprising bit of insight into a person's unique journey. As a service to my beloved fans I offer the first beef jerky horoscope.
For the Peppered Lover:
You're feeling an emptiness inside today. A gaping maw that can't be filled by other people or new possessions. As the hours tick by, this void only grows more intense and more terrifying. You'll benefit from getting outside, smelling the fresh air, and visiting someplace new. As you travel, work to stay in contact with the most elemental part of existence: your stomach. Then ask yourself, "When was the last time I had a delicious snack
?" The answer will probably surprise you.
All My Best,
The Old Fashioned Lover
The Teriyaki Lover
The Hot & Spicy Lover