Jerky Stash: Bulk Beef Jerky Gets You Through the Winter

Followers of these electronic missives are certainly familiar with my strong stance on beef jerky thievery, as I’ve spoken out against this scourge here and here. Unfortunately, as the popularity of beef jerky has exploded (especially the popularity of the most delicious beef jerky in the world), theft of this valuable snack resource is also on the rise.

My own personal method of theft reduction might not work for you — getting a hold of 20-30 bear traps can be hard in some locations — I do have a simple tip to make sure your jerky stores never run dry. Three words: Bulk Beef Jerky.

Is Bulk Beef Jerky the Answer to All Life’s Problems? Probably.

Now, you may be asking, “Trapper, is stocking up on an endless supply of jerky really the best solution?” To which I respond: There is no problem that cannot be mitigated — or entirely solved — by an enormous stockpile of bulk beef jerky. A fortress of flavor not only ensures you’ll never go without, but it also creates a buffer against those who would steal your hard-earned treats.

Think about it. If you have enough beef jerky to weather any snack shortage, even the most persistent thief will have trouble making a dent in your supply. It’s not just about abundance — it’s about peace of mind.

Jerky Thieves Walk Among Us

Beef jerky thievery is not some imaginary boogeyman. It’s a growing menace that threatens jerky lovers everywhere. Unfortunately, my bear traps and I cannot be everywhere at once to fight the good fight. At most, I can be in four places at once, but even that has its limitations. For this reason, it falls on you to take matters into your own hands.

The first step is preparation. And by preparation, I mean stockpiling.

Protect Yourself by Creating a Jerky Stash

If you’ve ever been a victim of snack theft, you know the emotional pain is rivaled only by the hunger pangs. But you can protect yourself by creating a network of jerky stash locations in your home, car, office, or even your gym bag where you can safely store your favorite smoked treats. Consider sprinkling some sand or flour on the ground near your stashes so you can tell if anyone has disturbed them.

And of course, the key to an effective jerky stash is accessibility. I recommend ensuring that you’re never more than four steps away from your hidden supply. Say you’re on the couch, enjoying a movie, and you hear the faint sound of a snack thief creeping through the pantry. No problem — your emergency stash is tucked behind the bookshelf, just three steps away. Crisis averted.
How to Store Beef Jerky

When you’re stockpiling jerky, you want to do it right. If some varmint gets into your stash and eats or spoils it all, that’s no better than some thieving roommate, sibling, or loved one. The good news is that once you’ve found a secure place to store your beef jerky, you don’t have to worry much about it going bad. The key to storing beef jerky is simple: keep it in an airtight container, and mind the best-by date.

If you’ve distributed multiple stashes throughout your home, office, and car, labeling them with dates can help you track freshness. When it comes to shelf life, beef jerky will last a long time; still, it’s a good practice to use the “first in, first out” method. Regularly check your stashes and consume older packages before they expire. Replenish them with fresh supplies from your bulk order.

Beef Up Your Bulk Beef Jerky Stash

Snack theft is not just about losing a delicious treat — it’s an assault on your hard work and personal security, and a reminder that the world is not always a kind place to beef lovers. But with bulk beef jerky, you’re not just fighting back — you’re taking control of your destiny.

I pray to all that is good and holy that you never experience the heartbreak of snack theft, but I can make no promises. The cornerstone of your jerky defense plan must be a consistent, robust supply of bulk beef jerky. Teriyaki, hot and spicy, Double Eagle, or kippered steak — it doesn’t matter what kind, as long as there’s lots of it. Plus, when you buy bulk beef jerky instead of individual meat snacks, you save money you can then reinvest into more beef jerky. It’s practically an endless jerky hack.